Tuesday, October 30, 2012

"Domestic Partners"

Honestly, I didn’t want to be there. In fact, I purposely arrived late to sign up to speak hoping my turn would come after the news media had long departed. I wasn’t interested in making the local news casts or the local paper. I simply wanted to speak to the school board about a decision I questioned. But alas, my desire to keep a low profile wasn’t to be. I was among the first to be called upon to speak at the PISD board meeting on October 18. So I stood up and shared with the school board my view of the superintendent’s decision to extend health benefits to “domestic partners”. Consequently my name and face and comments made the local news-cast of KXAN and the Austin American-Statesman. Several members of my church read the quote in the paper or saw me on the news cast. I had 3 minutes to speak at the board meeting, of which the media used only a snippet. I want the members of the church I pastor, and anyone else interested, to get a more complete picture of my perspective of the issue. Here’s what I want you to know about my views.

I want you to know that I was deeply dismayed at the way this decision was made. Many of the pastors in this community know the superintendent, Dr. Dupree, personally, and have a deep appreciation for the outstanding work he has done for PISD over the past 7 years. But I was shocked at the utter lack of communication regarding what the superintendent surely knew would be a controversial decision. The fourth “strategic goal” on the district website states: “PISD will develop and promote positive community relations through effective communication, the involvement of stakeholders…” There was absolutely no effort to involve the faith community, or any other part of the tax-paying citizens of PISD in this decision. As a 30 year tax-paying resident with 3 daughters, 2 nieces, and 1 nephew that went from kindergarten to graduation from PHS, and 2 nephews currently in middle school, I think I’m a stakeholder. It feels like this decision was made quietly, almost secretly behind closed doors, and then imposed on the community. The way this decision was made compromised my trust and confidence in the superintendent and the school board.

I want you to know that I see the issue as a complicated one. I don’t see it as an obvious black-and-white, right-or-wrong issue. I’ve experienced no small amount of inner turmoil and conflicting feelings and thoughts about the decision since it was announced. I’ve asked myself, “Would Jesus be against certain people receiving health benefits because they didn’t live up to biblical moral standards?” Surely there must have been a few “domestic partners” of one sort or another in the crowd of 5000 Jesus fed with 5 loaves and 2 fish. On the other hand, Jesus never approves of immorality and unequivocally upholds the sanctity of marriage (Matthew 19:3-9). So while on the one hand, I don’t want people denied health benefits based on biblical moral standards (after all, who among us lives up to those standards perfectly?). On the other hand, I don’t want the sanctity of marriage to be undermined or the public stamp of approval for immoral lifestyles to be forced on the entire community. It’s complicated.

I want you to know that I believe the decision in question does undermine the sanctity of marriage and that, in turn, is harmful to children. That’s not a biblical or religious view, it’s a well-documented fact. Numerous studies show that it’s the children that suffer most when marriage is compromised. One such non-partisan study done by the University of Virginia (no connection to any faith-based organization) demonstrates this with sobering statistical evidence. My point is that while the decision to extend insurance benefits to “domestic partners” will immediately benefit a few, it may in fact undermine the long-term welfare of many. Here’s the link to the UV study: http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Union_11_12_10.pdf

While I do not believe the intent of the decision is to compromise the widely held value of marriage, I also believe that it will appear to give the school district’s “stamp of approval” on all types of “domestic partner” relationships equating them with marriage. That open approval will, in fact, undercut a dearly held value in this community. I believe the consequences on the community, and especially on children, will far outweigh the benefit.

Finally, I want you to know that I believe authentic Christians can, and often do, disagree on non-essentials of the faith. For me, this is one of those non-essentials. I know that some of my Christian brothers and sisters will disagree with me on this issue. I’m certain some in my own church members will disagree with my position. I want to be the kind of pastor that loves people whether they agree with me or not. I want to pastor a church that keeps “the main thing”, the main thing. And the “main thing” for Pflugerville Community Church is to proclaim the life-changing gospel of Jesus Christ. The gospel is not advice on how to live a moral life so we can be loved and accepted by God, but the announcement of good news… Jesus Christ, the Son of God, came from God to demonstrate His love for us and to make possible our forgiveness (and we all need forgiveness) and reconciliation with God through his cross. Advocating for good moral values is not the same thing as advocating for the gospel. I am for both.

7 comments:

Lisa Weidknecht said...

Very well said, Pastor!

Unknown said...

Agree completely, I hope the school board will be able to communicate changes to the public on the next issue.

Amy said...

Thank you! Very well thought out and stated. Yes, I agree I hope the school board will communicate better on the next issue.

Sherri D. said...

(I am posting my comment in two sepparate posts, because Google thinks I have too much to say!)

I know first hand what it felt like as a child that was not allowed the same opportunities as other kids because my parents were different. In this case, my parents were alcoholics and we lived well below poverty level - looked down on by our neighbors until we moved, because of the 'undesirable drug addicts' that we attracted but it could just as easily be said 'I was treated different because other people didn't like the way my parents were living'. My parents were wrong, there is no debating that, but it wasn't mine or my brother or sister's faults.

We deserved insurance, food, clean clothes, parents that loved us, and all the things that the kids we went to school with had - and we were very aware that we didn't have those things, and why we didn't. My parents' way of life was detrimental to us; we got a very wrong view of marriage, of family, of everything, really - but can you imagine if someone had come in and said "You cannot have dental or medical coverage like other kids do - because I don't think your parents are doing marriage right"? That wouldn't have made my parents change anything. And it won't make gay people change their way of thinking either.

I agree with you 100% about the sanctity of marriage, and how much the breakdown of a marriage hurts children - I know that from my own experiences as both a child and as an adult. But what hurts children more is feeling different and punished for their parents lifestyles. I can promise you that.

Sherri D. said...

Finding a church made us feel welcome - like JD and I did when we were living together as domestic partners - made us want to know what marriage was supposed to be like. I need you to know that if I had felt that I was "undercutting a dearly held value in this community" or that my children shouldn't get exactly the same opportunities as everyone else's when I came to PCC 5 years ago, I would not have felt welcome. I know, now, how detrimental the way I was living was for my kids, but I wouldn't have - because I would have never stayed to hear you Proclaim the Good News - I would have felt too different, and not accepted.

The first sermon we ever heard at PCC was when you said "come hungry" - it was about how church is not a place you wait to come to until you are good enough - and it was exactly why we came back. You were the first person that gave me permission to not wait till I was "better" to return to knowing God. I just can't stop thinking that if there is really a group of people out there that you feel are darkening the meaning of marriage - invite them to church! Make them feel loved - they are hungry for it! Don't take away their rights or the rights of their kids - give them more, love them, like you did us, like Jesus did.

This is not a non-essential issue. Stating that our Christian view of marriage should effect and influence and dictate the well being of other people just feels wrong. I do not believe that anyone has an agenda - I think that the school district was forward thinking, and we should rejoice that there are kids in Pflugerville that even have two parents that want to commit to taking care of them and to loving each other. They are doing a MUCH better job at parenting than my parents did and even than I have done in the past.

I don't believe that being gay is how God intends things to work, but I also don't think that having 2 babies outside of marriage, then getting married, then getting divorced, then getting remarried to someone who divorced his wife is what He intended either - but that is how I got here, and I think that this is where God intends for me to be now. If I have learned anything in the last 5 years, it is that God knows WAY better than me, and uses all kinds of situations to get people where they need to be. If He is using two women or two men who are committed to each other (weather He likes that part or not) in order to get kids to the doctor, then so be it. Maybe that's naive of me, but that's how I see it.

Thank you for explaining how you feel about this - I understand your side of it better now.

Steve Clem said...

Well stated! One clarification: when I said “non-essential” I didn’t mean that the issue itself was not important or somehow inconsequential. I meant that one’s position in favor or against “domestic partnerships” being viewed as equally legitimate to marriage, and deserving of all the benefits that have historically accompanied marriage, doesn’t determine whether or not one is an authentic follower of Christ. I meant that Christians could and do have differing opinions with legitimate arguments supporting each view. One of my fellow pastors in Pville is passionately against the action of the superintendent and another is passionately for it. I respect both and consider both to be very good friends and authentic followers of Christ, as well as outstanding pastors. I sympathize with both perspectives, but when pushed to the wall, I’m for upholding the sanctity of marriage and supporting that with the cultural and legal benefits that go with marriage. I stand by my position that undermining marriage in a community/culture always hurts children. Extending health benefits to domestic partners puts a public stamp of approval on domestic relationships which will surely undermine marriage values in his community. I don’t think that’s intentional, but all decisions have unintended outcomes.

I certainly do not want children to be w/out health care. I checked, and it appears that “children w/out health care” is something of a red herring. I checked http://www.chipmedicaid.org/ and discovered that excellent health care is available at a fraction of the cost of paying for the PISD benefits. I don’t buy the argument that this is about poor children going w/out health care. One quote from the website: “If we find your child can get CHIP, your enrollment fees and co-pays will be based on your family’s income. Enrollment fees are $50 or less per family, per year. Co-pays for doctor visits and prescriptions range from $3 to $5 for lower-income families and $20 to $35 for higher-income families.” I’m pretty sure every domestic partner of a PISD employee can afford $50 or less, per year. No child will ever be turned away at the schoolhouse door regardless of their parents’ lifestyle choices. No child will ever be turned away from PCC because of the sins or choices or struggles of the parents… and I’m pretty sure the same would hold true for every church in this community. Health care is available for children… all children. Welcoming all sinners, which all of us are, is not the same thing as proclaiming sin not to be sin anymore. Sin is not merely some randomly held cultural taboo. God gives moral directives out his infinite love for our good. Pretending certain sins are ok now that the culture has so deemed it, is foolish at best and demonic at worst.

I don’t perceive our views to be too far apart. Regardless of how far apart they may in fact be, I am encouraged that you feel completely free to tell me what you really think. And I’m banking on your grace to allow me to tell you how I really think. I don’t want to be a church filled with intellectual/theological clones. I don’t want to be a church that only allows room for one political view. I welcome the questions and the debate in the spirit of love for one another. I enjoy the fellowship and mutual respect of a number of pastors in this community… and I am certain I don’t agree 100% with any of them.

Unknown said...

All I can say is WOW! Thank you Steve and Sherri for your comments. I would have answered as Sherri did before I read your response Steve. Now I'm not sure what my answer would be if asked this minute. REalizing that there is health care available for everyone through CHIP makes me realize that I am not as informed as I need to be on this subject. But I can tell you I am thinking about it. So thank you both.