What I Learned from Nonbelievers

Last night I enjoyed visiting one of PCC’s home groups. It was a group that began as one of our Explore God Discussion groups that decided to continue the discussion after the official Explore God initiative was over. After the children were fed and ushered upstairs with the babysitter the seven adults took our seats in the living room. Four were believers & PCC members, another described herself as “not a believer, but open”, another described herself as an atheist, & me, “the pastor”. It was a delightful group of genuine friends having an honest and open discussion about God.

I could trumpet my success in the debate, how I bobbed and weaved to avoid the brunt of their arguments, floated like butterfly and stung like a bee delivering irrefutable theology. Actually, it wasn’t like that at all. I didn’t go to win a debate, but have a conversation, to listen and learn, as much as to share my views of God and faith. As it turned out, the two nonbelievers weren’t intimidated in the least by my clergy credentials. They didn’t hold back in sharing their views or questioning mine. Here are some things I learned from nonbelievers last night.

Hateful Christians do incredible damage to the cause of Christ. It is one thing to recognize that this is true in a general way, it’s another to sit next to someone whose been deeply wounded by a hateful believer in her own family or in her own childhood church. In her book Angry Conversations with God, Susan Isaacs describes her tortured teen years and observes, “…if just one, just one Jesus person had made me feel loved at the time, it could have changed a lot. It could have changed everything.” If I had one wish for every child growing up in PCC it would be that he or she would experience grace and love when it’s most needed. That was my own experience as young person. The love and grace I received in my most vulnerable moment served to confirm and seal my faltering, unsteady faith in Christ.

I have yet to discover an argument that heals the wounds hateful Christians inflict on struggling, searching, questioning kids in the church. The very term “hateful Christian” should be an oxymoron. How can those of us who claim to follow Christ be hateful? I’m not talking about a moment of passion when we fly off the handle and say something we immediately deeply regret. I’m talking about willfully feeding the monster of hatred so that it grows into a consuming obsession. I’m talking about unapologetic, proud, cruel, unrepentant hatred toward a group or individual. This kind of hatred often causes questioning young people in the church to conclude, “This is the way it is with God. So, I’m done with God, Christ, Church, faith, all of it.” All the believers in our little circle were quick to point out, “We’re not all like that!” But that wasn’t enough; it’s never enough. Being part of a faith community means owning the sins of our brothers. So our only defense is confession, repentance, and a plea for forgiveness on behalf of our brothers. I’m not sure I got that message across last night, but hope & pray so.

There’s much more that I learned from nonbelievers last night. I’ll add more to this blog in the coming days and weeks.